Not sure I’m formatting this right, but I just wanted to update for those still messaging and commenting. This might feel anti-climactic for some, and maybe obvious in hindsight — but please, no negativity or “I told you so’s.” I’ve beaten myself up enough. Nothing anyone says could be worse than what I’ve already told myself.
Someone here suggested I bring up installing cameras to my fiancé and gauge his reaction. (If you’re reading this — thank you, I lost your comment in the chaos!) Well, I did. He instantly got defensive, saying I was trying to “catch him” in something. His reaction caught me completely off guard.
After that, I said screw it and went through his phone — another popular suggestion. Neither of us had ever done that, but I’d seen his passcode once, so I waited until he fell asleep. My hands were literally shaking. What I found shattered me.
He’d been calling and texting a woman regularly — every other day, during work hours. When I called her from my phone, she asked who I was. I told her I’m his fiancée. She said she’s the mother of his three kids — two boys and a girl, ages 10, 7, and 5. They met in college, have been on and off since, and are “just coparenting.”
That was clearly a lie.
She told me he had mentioned me — said I was pregnant and had moved here “against his will,” claiming I was some “crazy one-night stand” he was trying to do right by. Meanwhile, he’s been living a double life and hiding an entire family. She even seemed relieved I wasn’t pregnant. 🤮
I told her about the shirt (from a previous post), and she said her kids had spent the weekend there — another lie, because no one has been here since I moved in. She didn’t even seem to care that he’d hidden his own kids from the woman he planned to marry.
He doesn’t know that I know. I’m leaving. I’m using what little savings I have to fly home and stay in a motel until I’m back on my feet. Thankfully, my boss said I could return to my old job. My flight leaves in two days.
I also — probably shouldn’t have — broke his phone and said I spilled water on it. About an hour after I called her, she texted him “Call me.” I panicked, assuming she was going to tell him I knew, even though I’d begged her not to.
I’ve spent the last 48 hours replaying everything — every conversation, every weird little inconsistency. He never begged me to move here, but he did act excited — even sent me job listings in this area a month before I came. I didn’t stalk him or force this. He clearly wanted his ex and spun some psycho fairytale to keep her hooked.
Now, he hasn’t even asked why I’ve gone quiet. Maybe that’s a blessing — I wouldn’t know what to say anyway. Still, it hurts. It’s like I was nothing to him. I uprooted my whole life for a man who gave me one month of playing wife, while his real family stays intact.
Now I’m left to pick up the pieces and rebuild, while he goes on living his lie.
So yeah — this was part vent, part closure. Thank you to everyone who offered advice and support. And to any woman out there feeling like something just isn’t adding up — please, trust your gut the first time. Ignoring it will never save your relationship. It’ll only break your heart worse later.
