AITA for feeling relieved after my son died and living my dream life instead of grieving?
About 7 years ago, I lost my son in a tragic accident—but instead of overwhelming grief, I felt a strange sense of relief. My life changed completely afterward, and now I’m living freely, guilt and all.
Around 13 years ago, I got my then-girlfriend pregnant unexpectedly. I had been silently hoping for an abortion because I wasn’t ready for parenthood until my mid-30s, but she was excited to have a child. We moved in together, got married, and I took a high-paying job at a car dealership to support the family. I tried to be a good father, though honestly, I was faking it mentally and emotionally detached while doing my best for my son’s sake.
I lost my son in a tragic accident when he was just five. While everyone expected grief, buried under that was a strange sense of relief that I had subconsciously held onto for years. That feeling of freedom, as sick as it may sound, shaped the life I live now.
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After the loss, I divorced my wife within a year, sold the house, and eventually quit my high-paying job. I bought a small lake house and embraced a carefree bachelor lifestyle: traveling, hiking, kayaking, fishing, and socializing freely with friends and travel companions. Parenthood and responsibilities are completely out of the picture, and I finally feel a profound sense of freedom.
“Buried under the tragedy was a sickening feeling of relief that I’d long suppressed.”
Deep down, I struggle with guilt that life feels so perfect now while my ex-wife struggles with her desire for children. She still calls me crying sometimes, and I have to maintain appearances, though I’m living what I consider my dream life. Parenthood, which once felt like prison, is now a closed chapter I have no desire to revisit.
“I hate that I viewed parenthood as jail, but the freedom now is intoxicating.”
I’ve accepted that my life is rosey and fulfilling, and I harbor no interest in having children in the future. The tension remains only in how I interact with my ex-wife and her ongoing desires for family, but for me, relief and liberation dominate the narrative.
🏠 The Aftermath
Now, I live alone in a small lakeside house, enjoying complete freedom and financial comfort. My ex-wife struggles with her ongoing desire for children, occasionally reaching out in distress.
I am fully independent, pursuing hobbies, travel, and social connections without constraints. Parenthood is permanently behind me, and I experience no longing or regret for that chapter of my life.
Consequences include strained contact with my ex-wife and lingering social judgment, but personally I feel liberated and content with my lifestyle choices.
“What once felt like life imprisonment has turned into a dream I can fully embrace.”
Even though there is guilt, my relief and enjoyment of my current life outweigh any remorse I might feel for the past.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This story isn’t about traditional grief; it’s about the complex mix of relief, liberation, and guilt after an unexpected tragedy. Parenthood once felt imprisoning, and freedom now feels intoxicating, even if society views it as selfish.
I could have felt ongoing regret or sorrow, but instead I embraced my current lifestyle, fully aware of how different it is from what others expect. The tension with my ex-wife shows the social and emotional complexities of such a choice.
Reasonable people may disagree: some will say my relief is callous; others will argue that acknowledging my true feelings and living freely is valid.
Here’s how the community might see it:
“It’s natural to have complicated emotions. Relief doesn’t make you a bad person.”
“You survived emotionally and are living authentically. Society often expects grief, but your feelings are real.”
“I get why some might judge, but you processed this in your own way. That counts.”
Reactions may vary between empathy for his complex emotions and criticism for his perceived selfishness, reflecting the difficulty of judging grief and relief.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Relief after tragedy is not often talked about, but it can coexist with guilt and reflection. Life can unexpectedly shift, and personal happiness may emerge in unexpected ways.
Some will see his freedom as selfish, others as a rightful reclaiming of life. Either way, it’s a reminder that grief and relief are not mutually exclusive.
What do you think?
Can relief after a tragedy coexist with love and responsibility, or does it make someone callous? Share your thoughts below 👇
