My husband texted me today to say that his parents gave the kids a puppy. I’m home because I had to stay for work, and he’s with the kids at his parents’ house. The kids are happy. I know I should be happy too, but I just feel sad.
I’ve asked about getting a cat many times since we got married in 2019 and even after we had kids, but my husband always said no. He mentioned the cost, the care, and the allergies we might have. I stopped asking because I wanted to consider his opinion.
Now there is a dog.
It’s not that I don’t like dogs. I actually think they are sweet. It’s just that when it was something I wanted and asked for his opinion, there were so many reasons against it. Now it’s suddenly okay to have a dog, and he didn’t even ask for my opinion. He just told me through text that we have a dog now, as if it were already decided.
Am I the asshole for feeling sad about this?
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UPDATE: Thank you for the response. I read all your comments.
My husband is 48 and I’m 31. We have three young kids who are 6, 5, and 4. He’s a lawyer who’s gone most of the day while I work from home.
So… I guess most of the replies are right. I’ll probably end up being the one to take care of this 6-week-old puppy. Since I work from home, it’ll most likely fall on me in the long run.
I just feel really sad.
I don’t even think it’s about the cat or the dog anymore. It’s about how he makes decisions that affect both of us without really considering me. This has happened before. We talked about getting a car around early 2020, and by September he had already bought one without telling me. I told him I was confused because it was during COVID times and everything felt so uncertain, so I didn’t understand why he went ahead and bought a car. He said, “We already talked about it. You said you liked this car. You said you liked this color.” It’s true, but it wasn’t the right time to buy it, at least in my opinion, because of COVID. Eventually, all I did afterward was sign the documents. There have been other situations like that over the years too.
My heart just feels heavy because I’m realizing he’s always been like this and probably always will be. And now, for the first time, I understand what people mean when they say they knew the moment their marriage was over. I think I might be having that moment right now.
Lord, help me.
solardune
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NTA. Hang on, your husband and his parents bought a dog for your children without consulting you? Presumably this dog has to live in your home and you will have to look after it. Forgot the dog/cat debate, the fact that he didn't consult you on a decision this large is disrespectful. I'd be livid.
beachbumm717
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Right? I’d text back saying, ‘Oh that’s so sweet they bought a dog to keep at their house for our kids.’
berlinHet
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Or “I hope it gets along with the cat I’m on my way to adopt since we don’t need to consult with each other on big decisions apparently.”
Beth21286
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He treats her like a child so why stop at one kitten. Everyone knows kids have no impulse control.
