I’ll try to keep it short and sweet. My ex-husband cheated on me with his current wife. We divorced, they got together, and had a baby.
Well it’s some years past that point, and surprise surprise, he’s done it again. He and his wife are getting a divorce, and he’s probably going to marry his new affair partner within the next 6 months if he follows the pattern. More power to him and his penis, I literally do not care what he does with his life anymore.
BUT I was pretty shocked to discover that his wife reached out to me, basically crying about what happened, how she couldn’t believe it, and how now that we’re in the same camp, so to speak, we should maintain a relationship so our daughters can still be in each other’s lives and so we can commiserate.
Yeah, I told her to take a hike, and that if our mutual ex wanted our daughters to hang out, I was more than happy to schedule his visitation at the same time as hers so the girls could be together with their father, but that there was no way I was setting up sleepovers and playdates with her. I’m not bitter about it anymore, I’m remarried, etc. But I just want nothing to do with her. Haven’t since the affair.
She about lost it, crying even more about how I would keep our girls apart because we both know ex-husband barely keeps up with his visitation, blah blah, and how he gets when he’s in a new relationship. Yes, NOW we both know. But before only I knew, and she didn’t seem too sympathetic about my end. She brought up how when she started up with my ex, she didn’t know he was married, so I shouldn’t hold it against her, and he’s the one who cheated, not her. But I really don’t care about any of that.
Anyway, she obviously called me an asshole, though not in so many words. My sister is also saying I should think about my daughter’s potential relationship with her half sibling, but I think that should be on her father to orchestrate if it’s important for him that his children bond and have a relationship. So lay it on me. AITA?
EDIT: Popular questions, my daughter is 8 almost 9, and her daughter is close to 7, either about to turn or just turned. My daughter is completely indifferent to her half-sister on her dad’s side for various reasons explained in the comments but suffice to say, the indifference isn’t new. They don’t and have never had a sisterly relationship according to my daughter. She does not have any specific desire to see her (but is presumably fine seeing her while they are both with their father), but if she did want to hang out with her, we’d make it happen.
EDIT: Also asked about the state of schedule. My daughter sees her father, generously, 8-10 times a year, never more than a week, usually for a day or two. Between 2-4 of those are with his wife and daughter. This is likely to decrease slightly since he’s in a new relationship. Assuming the same pattern continues, the girls will probably still see each other at least 3 times a year. A bit in the summer, for one fall holiday, and father’s day. I have also encouraged her in the past to attend his daughter’s birthday parties at least briefly.
My daughter is very close with my other daughter and her stepfather, which likely contributes to her disinterest, but isn’t something I can really control. I’ve never badmouthed her father, his wife or other sister, but they just don’t really sit prominently on our day-to-day radar.
lol wtf is she on? NTA by a mile. She was part of your ex-husbands cheating and comes crying to you when he continues the cycle. She has no shame. You said the exact thing I was thinking, let them visit but with their dad. You have no obligation to set up visitation between half-siblings.
You know the saying "If he'll do it for you, he'll do it to you"?
Well now she does too. NTA
Or as granny says, "when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy."
Edit: Granny says hello. She said she must have read it in a book and liked it so much she told me. She is an avid reader and has read 9 books in the past three weeks ( 4 trashy novels, 2 biographies of Empress Sissy, a John Grisham, and another mystery).
That’s gold. That’s so incredibly amazing. Your granny is a gangster lol.
I will tell her that tomorrow
Please tell her that from me as well, cheers 🥂 to you and your lovely granny who is unbelievably wise
